I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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