you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
