I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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