the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
