now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
