He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
