I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
