I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize