She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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