so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
