last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
