It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
