Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
