shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
