kristin has been a bad kristin
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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