loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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