Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
