On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
