tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
