peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize