Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
