Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
