The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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