Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
