Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
