at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
