Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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