You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
