We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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