carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
