I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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