I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
