Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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