For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize