she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
