Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
