Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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