My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
"it" just moved
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
