I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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