I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
