You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
