If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize