Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
