just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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