new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
