how can u be prego again
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
In America we eat man semen.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
