Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
COCAINE IS GR8
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