I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
