Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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