god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
