I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize