First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
