we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
