she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
