No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
These tits shall not be calmed
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