and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
