Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
smell my finger.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
