we made out on top of his cat.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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