the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
