i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
