I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
