I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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