So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Actions speak louder than pants.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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