You just made me feel so damn special
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
