I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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