thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
did i walk over a car last night?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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