She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
