Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
smell my finger.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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