cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
