Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Do vagina's smell?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
