i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
