dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize