I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
