It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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