her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
