her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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