some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
