She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
