They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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