If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
