When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
