just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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