covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
