That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
