Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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