I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize