so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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