he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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