New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
