pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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