So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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