If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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