it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
